Now I Know What I've Been Doing Wrong

This whole "looking for a new job" thing doesn't seem to be working out for me, and I finally know why. According to the feminine hygiene company that is "Summer's Eve," I am going about it all wrong — I have not yet sought career advice from them. Check out this Salon.com story about the new advertorial.
Apparently, I should be carrying Summer's Eve Feminine Cleansing Cloths in my bag to every interview. It could even land me a raise after they hire me. I wonder if they have some sort of certification I can acquire to attach to my resume as well. I'll do some research and let all you job seekers know as soon as I find out.