Needed: One middle-aged Pokémon trainer avatar
“July 11th, 3:10 p.m.
O.K., wait—so now I have to train them to fight? What if I don’t want them to fight? Can’t I train them to be show-dog Pokémon or emotional-support Pokémon instead? Why do I have to improve them all the time? Can’t I just pet them? The kid just heard me muttering about “candies,” and now he’s screaming for a lollipop. Maybe I should just leave the kid at the V.F.W. hall.”
Emily Flake's "My Pokémon Go Diary" in The New Yorker made me spit half-chewed mini Reese's cups all over my keyboard. I know you are all Pokémon Go junkies. Maybe you're like *me and only do it in "secret" on your kid's account—avoiding places where other people are walking around with their phones in their faces, probably getting loads of Pokémon because they aren't afraid to be seen.
*In actuality, it only took a few days for the novelty to wear off for me. Luckily, my teenage daughter is still excited about it. Never before has she volunteered to take the trash out and pick up the mail.